If you don't live here, you don't care-

but an inside source has informed me that Barnard dorms have boxes of trashbags located at entrances that residents can take from as they please. A guard yelled at me as I tried to make off with half a box of the sweet thin clear plasticy goodness, but I still returned to the castle with at least a week's worth of bounty.

The Spoils:

Culinary Deliverance!

After exhausting all other alternatives, including recounting my vintage matchstick collection, arranging my music library chronologically by composer and trimming those little peeling flakes of skin above my cuticles, I resigned myself to reading the most recent CCSC email. You know what I'm talking about-- those long-winded, inarticulate announcements for which any sane person would have long ago set up automatic forwarding directly to the spam folder?

Of course you don't; those emails have roughly the same circulation audience as a medieval town crier, namely anybody within earshot who’s unable to get away. You probably have a similar chance of contracting the plague through it as well. It ranks right up there in usefulness as those autodialed voice messages you found on your ROLM phone freshman year before you learned the phone actually functioned best when unplugged and stuffed into the darkest recess of your closet.

But I digress. This one was different. Wedged between fantastic events such as “Does Your Mama Know? Staged Readings of Coming Out Stories” and a walking tour of the IRS tax-form naming department (followed by an information session) was a little tidbit that caught my eye: IRON CHEF: COLUMBIA.


Be sure to bring requisition form CT-H 1040A to the Q&A session following the tour!

At last! An opportunity to share our kitchen-creations with the world! Instead of just our cohabiters, we will soon have an entire audience down whose throats we can impose our iron will. The campus will tremble under our culinary rule! Should anybody wish to challenge us for control of the Coctaucracy (and to spare you from wading through the elocutionary shit-swamp that is the email), I have excerpted the relevant details about the competition below.


Look on our works, ye Mighty, and despair!

---

10. IRON CHEF: COLUMBIA

Friday, February 27th at 5pm*

Lerner Hall Party Space

Join the CCSC Campus Life Committee for a celebration of Columbia University culinary talent. We're inviting 20 teams of 3-4 students each to show off their skills in battle to be named the best cooks on campus! But...Instead of focusing on the use of lavish ingredients, our competition will represent the needs of college students. Come be a part of the audience to enjoy FREE FOOD and all the culinary creations! Or join the competition for a slice of the glory. For complete rules and to register your team for the competition please visit: http://www.tinyurl.com/ccscironchef Judged on taste, presentation, originality, and use of our top secret ingredient, the prizes are top rate! Teams must register by Tuesday, February 24th.

With pizzas like these, who needs pizzas?

It's tough to have a bad day when you come home to this. It's too delicious!

Lunch

Some sort of revolting, circular bread dish garnished with old leftovers from the back of the fridge and whatever we could scrape out of the bottom of the cabinet.



I only wish there was a way to impose these vile creations on someone other than my suitemates.

Remembering Fall Excursions Part I

Unfortunately Mansuite was 2 men down for this trip, however Jordo, Michael, Tom and I journeyed to Philly and the Jersey shore for a great weekend back in the early days. Highlights included:

• the beginning of a long love affair between Mansuite and Philly soft pretzels
• Sung to the tune of Billy Joel's "we didn't start the fire"... "Michael sunk the bo-oooat! It used to float but he sunk that boat!"
• Surfing our nipples off

• MOTORBOATING on the Boston Whaler! No words can recreate the thrill of sending a couple hundred pounds of fiberglass sailing into the air and then nose first into a wall of water. WOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Post Script. Also, we're out of butter!

How did we get the suite clean for movie night after the rager? We play hard, we work hard:

"Swabbing the Deck"


"Running Cable"

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Last night was Movie Night...where were you? MC baked cookies, and we all garnered a few tips on manliness from no-ties Indiana. This is a pretty classic film, and I'm guessing most of you have seen it before, so rather than talk too much about the movie, I'll relate some of the observations that were made during the movie, with imagined commentary by people involved on the film

Tom: Is somebody timing the cookies?
MC: Yes.
Tom (squinting at the oven): Are you sure?
MC: Yes! We got a bunch of backseat bakers in here!

Commentary by actor Harrison Ford: You guys need to lay off MC. He bakes you cookies, and you take it for granted. Sure be breaks a lot of shit in the suite. Nobody's perfect! Do you know how many fedoras I went through filming this movie? 28! I just kept misplacing them! And sure, Spielberg got upset when that got in the way of filming, but he always said 'Thank you' whenever I made cookies, so we got along fine.

MC (picking up milk carton): Oh, no!
Tom: I have more milk. Do we need more milk?
MC upends the carton. Nothing comes out.
MC: Yep.

Commentary by director Steven Spielberg: This reminds of this time we were shooting with Harrison and we were already behind schedule. It was the scene where he's packing up to leave and he tosses his coat and whip into a suitcase. He was supposed to have his hat as well, but he had misplaced it that morning. We were about to send a PA to find another one when Denholm Elliott, who plays Marcus Brody, sidled up to me and told me he had the hat. Apparently he had been stealing Harrison's fedoras as a prank. Well that was a pretty stupid prank; it wasn't funny at all. Denholm could tell I was upset though, and promised to bring milk the next time Harrison made cookies. That sounded swell to me, so I told him he could keep stealing fedoras if he liked.

The Ark is revealed on screen.
MC: I like how it's glowing.

Commentary by cinematographer Douglas Slocombe: This was a pretty easy effect. We lit the Ark from below, and since it was gold it just kind of glowed. I guess we got lucky.

As Indie escapes with Marion...
MC: He just pushes a three ton block out of the way.
Jon: That's the biggest problem with these films. They lift things that are, like, thousands and thousands of pounds.
MC: I think that was a conscious decsion though. Nobody could lift that.

Commentary by actor Harrison Ford: Wrong! I did lift that. It was actually more like four tons.
Commentary by set decorator Michael Ford: We used blocks of styrofoam painted to look like stone. We had to have a whole warehouse of them, because Harrison kept misplacing the blocks.
Commentary by composer John Williams: Fooled me! I thought they were real!!

Jordo: That's a terrible ending. Is that the end?
Tom: No it's not. It's the best ending ever.

Commentary by writer George Lucas: Both Jordo and Tom are right. In terms of all films ever made, it is the best ending ever. It's still pretty terrible though, and by terrible I mean like how dinosaurs are "terrible lizards" and Mark Hamill is a "terrible actor." When people say that, they actually mean "awesome lizards" and "passable actor."

'GET LUCKY' RAGER

New Mansuite personal best: raging uninterrupted till 1:43am

Thank you for making this feat possible!


Quote of the night belongs to Old Man Jase--Dink's cantankerous, grizzled, cane-swinging alter-ego, only previously seen in the wooded outdoors--thinning the ranks at forty three minutes past the hour:

"IF I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE"



pristine


sweaty


sweatier


sweatiest

Get Lucky Rager Album