On a lighter note

We here at the Mansuite love presents, which is why we're so excited about blog reader Cody Widdes' fantastic tribute to the Mansuite. Though we'd consider ourselves all pretty attractive here, it appears that J-do's body just couldn't quite make the Chippendales cut.

Measures of Desperation

Low and behold, my inbox today was flooded with requests to donate to the senior fund. Most of them polite, one of them stood out from among the rest:

"hey guys,

So just in case you don't know, I am on the senior fund committee and we are on our last stretch to reach our goal of participation. Time is running short and for the sake of convenience and timing, I would like to give on behalf of you for now if you don't mind - I am doing this because I know some of you are off campus or maybe never got reached by our team. I know you all pretty well so I don't foresee this as a problem. However, if you do not want me to do this please email me and I will obviously refrain from doing that."

This act of usurping my agency crosses a line for me. There's a reason why these people are so adamant when they incredulously exclaim "It's just a dollar!" at your frugality. It's because it's not just a dollar, it's a tacit representation of your connection to the university and a symbolic acknowledgment of your agreement and satisfaction with your overall college experience.

Sure, I've had a great time here at Columbia and will in almost all certainty be donating to the university in the future (after I can afford the boat, and the helicopter, and the helicopter on the boat) but this sort of almost-underhanded opt-out scheme disappoints me. The goal is not to give because you feel obligated, but to give because you want to. If there's one thing that Columbia unambiguously and unequivocally cares about, it's money. It's a business that--unlike most other universities--doesn't try to hide that fact; as students you are its customers. In the market customers vote with their wallets, not through their student council or other marginally-empowered elected representatives.

There might be a reason why it's hard to reach the donation goal this year. Some students have realized that the best way to voice their dissatisfaction is to speak the only language Columbia truly understands.

This is the most influence I'll probably ever wield with a single dollar, and I intend to use it wisely.

Edit: Because sane arguments also have supporting evidence, find a page taken out of the 2008 Columbia Annual Security report below:

Campus Crusaders for Polyps

Exasperated by her unyielding case of laryngitis, mansuite local Sophie agrees to an exorcism of the Pink Polyp cult headed by non other than Shaman Keenan with further help and intervention by Kahuna Reich.

Given how much we've come to love that sultry, raspy whisper over the past several weeks it's a wonder why Sophie doesn't stop struggling to regain her prior vocal panache.

Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

MOVIE NIGHT: APRIL 26th

Tonight we'll be screening the theatrical masterpiece Army of Darkness (1992), starring Bruce Campbell as Ash--a man accidentally transported to 1300 A.D. where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home. Complications arise.



If you still aren't sure, check out these catchy taglines, most likely written by a pre-teen IMDb surfer:

-1 Man, 1 Million dead, The odds are just about even.

-They move. They breathe. They suck.

-Sound the trumpets, Raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile.

-How can you destroy an army that's already dead?

-In an age of darkness. At a time of evil. When the world needed a hero. What it got was him.


In all seriousness though, this movie is amazing. See you at 10:00... and bring your 'boom stick'

In a row over robes

I'd like to take a moment to write about a serious problem which goes largely unnoticed outside of the robe-wearing community. It's not through any conscious apathy or uncaring on behalf of the larger disrobed majority, yet in some instances grievous issues concerning a small group should concern us all.

No one individual is responsible for the issue as it is a product of a myriad of factors. Robes are manufactured to extend below the knees to keep vulnerable areas warm. Toilets are constructed and raised off the ground¹ in order to decrease the distance between an individual and his or her business. Good intentions mark the presence of both facets, yet as they say, the road to hell is paved in good intentions.




Taken together, these features do not cooperate well with each other. The half-inch overlap almost always guarantees there will be some drag and your robe will leave the bathroom with a little more than what it entered with.

Currently, the only haphazard solution that exists is to hold the article wide open, yet such a task requires the faculty of both hands--leaving the most critical aspect of aiming up to chance and the forces of nature.

The only solutions I've considered as of yet have been supply side. The labor shortage in the bathroom can easily be met by the labor surplus in the suite, yet this will require some negative externalities such as undesirable migration.

There is an ideal outcome, but it requires a capital-intensive demand-side alternative utilizing a sledgehammer and a soldering iron. As of yet I have been unable to raise the necessary funds to procure these items. This is why community involvement is so important.

Open your hearts and your wallets. Please give generously.


¹ At least in our freedom-loving America. This isn't the norm for Charlie.

A Guitar and a Cello

Mansuite Lounge hosted its first gig last night, featuring a touring duo hailing from soCal! Auditions for next Wednesday's slot will be held tomorrow at 7am in MC's room.



A Guitar and a Cello Album

Groovin

Un bon weekend

Hola, brethren and brethrenitas of the PartyDuck! We sincerely hope you had as much fun as we did over the past few days. It was a wild marathon of good this weekend, beginning with the Bacchanal concert on Saturday.

After a long morning of drinking, a call was made for all units to report to the Steps for an afternoon of some serious fun in the sun. First up was Vampire Weekend, Columbia alums and Taqueria-y-fonda devotees, who put our backs out, they were so hip.

FUN! (where's waldo/tom with his sleeves cut off?)

Next up, after landing in NYC from LA at 2:45 and getting to campus 20 minutes before his set, Talib Kweli came out to get us jumpin and deliver some lyrical delights.

Always a fan of audience participation, PartyDuck was elated when he was invited to come dance on stage with Talib! Check out his fowl moves!

Featuring: The Apple Bottom

"apple bottom"


A Mansuite Case study:

CABO SPRING BREAK RAGER

Furniture displaced, dishes done, tequila chilled, solo cups purchased, limes in process of being sliced: 64 degrees F, brisk air, neutral scent.



Some besties arrive, chill latin grooves resonate about the common area, visualizer blasts psychadelic vortexing constellations on the back wall: 74 degrees F, air moisture rising.


Lights go out, blacklights on: 79 degrees F, noticeable humidity.


DJ Willie arrives, latin house music blaring, raging commences, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA FERENCI: 86 degrees F, sweat lingers--refusing to evaporate into the water-saturated air.


Music breaks loose into controlled insanity and the dancing follows suit: 97 degrees F, unbearably humid.


End result: raging uninterrupted until 1:52, a new suite record. CONGRATS AND THANK YOU TO ALL!


We're lacking in close-up photos! Send your shots from Cabo to thepartyduck@gmail.com!

Fried Egg Breakfast Burger on a Cornbread Bun

I don't know who got the cornbread that's in our kitchen, but I'm making the most of it!

JAZZ

Hello all. How was your weekend? Ours was GREAT. It still IS great. Hopefully you guys came to Cabo and enjoyed the beach with us.

I would like to invite you to please come to see my final Columbia Jazz performance of my entire LIFE. The Big Band is playing tonight at Miller Theatre. The Concert begins at 8 pm, and the Big Band will probably go on around 8:45/9. It would mean a lot if you guys dropped by. It will be about 45 minutes of music, and its great stuff. Lots of energy! It's a BIG BAND people.

And afterwards, Mansuite invites you all to our weekly movie night! With our Mansuite chocolate chip cookies to be served, of course.

Please join the fun tonight. Do work now so you can play later.

Graphical Evocations: Today

(notice the Jezzalian grin beneath Kweli's right arm pit)

If you're not outside right now

You should be!

Man, I Love College

Tonight, aspiring to the non-scholastic achievements of our state-school brethren, we're chasing the ideal of carefree college raging with a dance party tequila fest that may prove to be the sweatiest, steamiest gathering thus far at mansuite. Plus, we're actually planning on trapping all the body heat rising from your rhythmic pulsations on the dance floor in order to recreate the humid tropical climate of CABO MEXICO (see sample photos below), our intended but unactualized spring break '09 destination. Bring your bikinis, boardshorts, sunglasses, beach balls, MIXERS and an overflowing supply of post-adolescent-collegiate-spring-break hormones because what happens in Cabo stays in Cabo.


The common room.


From left to right: Jordo, Tom, Colin, Jon.


The babes: Michael is #8.


Below, some materials included in the mansuite Cabo rager training packet, reviewed by all suitemates over the past week in order to perfect party execution. (Special thanks to CF for the vid.)



The following lyrics have also been memorized, internalized and performed privately:

"Man, I love college, ay!
I love drinking, ay!
I love women, ay!
I love college

Now if everybody would please
Put their drink as high as they can
As high as they can
(As high as they can)
And repeat after me

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Freshmen! Freshmen!
Freshmen! Freshmen!

Do something' crazy! Do somethin' crazy!
Do something' crazy! Do somethin' crazy!
Keg stand! Keg stand!
Keg stand! Keg stand!

(That party last night)
Man, I love college
I love it!
....
Do I really have to graduate?
Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?"

Dogs CAN Have Chocolate?

I got real excited about the holiday treats Dad sent the suite—chocolate eggs, chocolate rabbits, nerf football.


Until I realized: nerf football? Nerf isn't chocolate. As far as I know, nerf isn't edible at all, unless you're a dog or a baby (or a baby dog) and you eat everything. Then I checked the return address on the package:


Yep. Corcoran Pet Care Center. My dad sent us dog treats; it was nothing more than a mid-April Fool's joke. Well, nice try, Pops, but you can't fool this Columbian. I immediately went downstairs to throw the whole assortment away. Alas! Michael had already downed the chocolate and was well on his way toward finishing the nerf football.

I wanted to tell him off, but he didn't know any better! So I gave him a tummy rub and called it a day.

One Ninth Barnard

Graduation is just around the bend, and Barnard is just across the road, so I may as well apply for a Barnard degree while I'm here. Brushing up on my Nine Ways of Knowing, today I worked on "Cooking and Baking":

Back to Basics

Blog content has been strange in the past days; the staples of our existence have been thrown carelessly to the wayside. I intend to change that. With this beautiful cut of meat:

mmmmh.

A Mansuite Meal

There are many positive externalities of cooking a beautiful dinner such as this fine specimen. They, of course, would be protein, carbs, fiber, immediate gratification, family time, etc. Here's another one:

Leftovers! Exemplified here in the form of the Irish breakfast. I just ate that 20 minutes ago. *Not pictured: smoothie.

Hungry? Why wait?

Mustard Envy?

All I know if that if you guys try to buy all of those flavors on our next Fairway run, I'm not paying.

And "He" ketchup? I'd much rather have whatever this guy is having:

"He" Suite

Not long ago, Mansuite encountered the most delightful Honey Mustard in the world: Inglehoffer. And at Fairway we discovered they have a whole range of condiments:

Cocktail Sauce, Tartar Sauce, Horseradish (Cream Style, Extra Hot, and Wasabi), and of course Mustards. Oh, the Mustards! They have 16 styles of Mustard!!!

Don't believe me? I'll name 'em!

1. Traditional Dijon
2. Hot Dijon
3. Sweet Hot
4. Stone Ground
5. Dijon Stone Ground
6. Honey
7. Honey Maple
8. Orange 'N Honey
9. Whole Seed Honey
10. Cranberry
11. Creamy Dill
12. Deli
13. Original Horseradish
14. Stone Ground
15. Creamy Dill
16. Sweet Hot (with Honey)

But what about the ketchup? Inglehoffer doesn't make it, but I think I know what we need. Anybody know where we can get "He" Ketchup?

How SIPA students become so worldly

Walking out of Lehman library, I noticed an informative MSNBC report about a topic that probably deserves more air-time on our leftist liberal news networks:

Teabagging Obama and his wife.



The television was on mute, unfortunately, so I have no context and no idea what kind of entendre they were giving the term, but I'd like to imagine the reporter professionally announcing a group's intentions to carry out lewd acts against the president.



There was literally an illustrated comic with the title "Teabagging Michelle" which they had so handily superimposed on the screen.

If only could have been fast enough with my camera.