A GOREY CATASTROPHE

The Management would like to reneg another endorsement: Buxfer.

And for that matter, all locations on the Interweb where we store important information are no longer getting shout-outs on our Twitters or drunk-dials on the weekends.

Why?

BECAUSE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY ALL DISAPPEARED?

LIKE BUXFER JUST DID!?

Exhibit A: An error message while I was doing a late-night premise walk around my important Interweb Locations

Failed to Connect
Firefox can't establish a connection to the server at www.buxfer.com.

WHAT?

Though the site seems valid, the browser was unable to establish a connection.

WHY THE F NOT?!

* Could the site be temporarily unavailable? Try again later.
* Are you unable to browse other sites? Check the computer's network connection.
* Is your computer or network protected by a firewall or proxy? Incorrect settings can interfere with Web browsing.

THOSE ARE ALL TERRIBLE SUGGESTIONS THAT DO NOT HELP ME!

(I have screen-shot evidence of this, but the Interweb doesn't want me to expose it and thus won't let me post it.)

Upon realizing that this could indeed happen, I went straight to the computer lab and printed out all my Facebook wall posts and messages I have Starred on gmail. I used up all of my print quota and had to put another $20 on, but at least now I am safe.

Who is responsible for this savage scheme to leave us information-less?

ALBERT GORE.

"Now look here, I am a skeezy mo'fugger and I am out to get you."

Yes, the former vice-president and failed presidential candidate, but more importantly, THE FATHER OF THE INTERNET. He gave the world the Interweb sometime in the interwar years, and ever since then, we have only used it to develop greater and greater things. Combined with amazing advances in technology, we can now store infinite amounts of information, indefinitely.

Certain "websites" seduced us with this combination. I don't know about you, but we all keep important information on the Interweb, such as the posts on this blog, and our expenses on Buxfer.com. Without Buxfer, we would have no idea how much we owe each other!!

I now direct you to 2000, when Alan Gore lost the presidential race.

Tracy Jordan, catching Mr. Gore as he learns the news. Dr. Chris Kattan prepares to resuscitate.

Now let's look at 2006, when Alfred Gore scared the bejeezus out of us with his propaganda movie, The Inconvenient Truth. Until then, people acted rationally and kept hard copies of their information. With the new "green" movement that he started, we thought it would be a good idea to reduce our consumption of worldly delights such as paper by getting a Second Life and donating all of our hard-earned information to Google.

Now you're all caught up to speed.

Now, imagine if ALABAMA GORE TAKETH THAT WHICH HE HATH GIVETH, AND STOLE ALL OF OUR INFORMATION? The world would clearly fall apart. I do not think I need to say any more on this point.

"I can already taste my global domination."

Silly Americans, looks like you should have elected him in 2000, his plots are much smarter and more devious than that chump Bush.

(I would also like to point out that right as I finished this post, this message appeared:

Could not contact Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Retrying...

SEE WHAT I MEAN? THE HIVE IS SMARTER THAN US!)

(On a mildly related note, there may be some comfort, or perhaps greater discomfort - to be found in playing with the Wayback Machine.)



With Love,

- The Management


UPDATE: 0200 hrs - it looks like Buxfer.com has been returned to us. You say it was a temporary problem with the connection, I say that there is no science of any kind that can explain this interruption of service away so easily. As an Anthropologist, I know well the signs of a hive mind when I see one, and this is an obvious example. HEY ALOUETTE GORE AND YOUR HIVE MIND: Thanks for bringing back Buxfer, but don't think you can appease me so easily. YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!